Cheesy dialogue

Someone got me thinking about the difference between unrealistic dialogue and cheesy dialogue. Brick, a movie I love the hell out of, has plenty of unrealistic dialogue. But it somehow uses that to its advantage.

So Brick proves that being unrealistic is not sufficient to render dialogue cheesy. What sets it apart from cheesy dialogue?

I thought for a moment that cliched + unrealistic = cheesy, but it seems the cliched part isn’t necessary. “It’s all right, Rover. These friendly robots are obviously not mischievous trespassers.” There’s only one movie I’ve ever heard that line spoken in, so it’s original, but it’s still cheesy.

So I watched Brick again, and I think I’ve got a handle on how it keeps from sounding cheesy. The dialogue isn’t realistic, but the characters are. Even if the words themselves aren’t quite everyday English, for example, “The ape blows, or I clam,” that’s cool. But the meaning that the sentence expresses has to be something the character would express under those circumstances.

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An excerpt from Uncle Tungsten

This excerpt from writer/neurologist Oliver Sacks’ childhood autobiography clearly demonstrates why it is perfectly suitable that Wes Anderson based a character on him (Raleigh St. Clair, in the Royal Tenenbaums):

One summer after the war, in Bournemouth, I managed to obtain a very large octopus from a fisherman and kept it in the bath of our hotel room, which I filled with seawater. I would feed it live crabs, which it tore open with its horny beak, and I think it grew quite attached to me. It certainly recognized me when I came into the bathroom, and would flush different colours, indicating its emotion. Although we had had dogs and cats at home, I had never had an animal of my own. Now I had, and I thought my octopus quite as intelligent, and as affectionate, as any dog. I wanted to bring it back to London, give it a home, a huge tank festooned with sea anemones and seaweed, have it as my very own pet.

I did a lot of reading about aquariums and artificial sea-water — but, in the event, the decision was taken from me, for one day the maid came in, and seeing the octopus in the bath, she had hysterics and poked it, wildly, with a long broom. The octopus, upset, discharged a huge cloud of ink, and when I returned a little later, I found it dead, sprawled out in its own ink. I dissected it, sorrowfully, when I got back to London, to learn what I could, and kept its scattered remains in formalin in my bedroom for many years.

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Batman Batman Batman

The first game I programmed was a text-based choose-your-own-adventure about Batman. It was a series of nested “if” statements. The only loop was at the beginning, when it did the theme song: (Also in text)
Nana nana nana nana
Nana nana nana nana
Batman!
Nana nana nana nana
Nana nana nana nana
Batman!

I don’t think I still have the Pascal files for this.

My first video was a fake commercial shot for school, all edited in camera. It was for a fictional soft-drink called Carbonated Beef.

Nowadays, I see forum posts from kids no older than I was when I made these, asking for advice on how to make their huge epic movies with explosions and car chases, or their side-scrolling platform games to rival Super Mario Brothers. They don’t always demonstrate skill to match their ambition, unfortunately.

I do wonder how my attitude would have been affected by the current internet when I was young. I didn’t have access to YouTube videos or Flash games as examples of amateur work. If I were a kid today, I’d probably be on these same forums asking questions. I don’t know how that would have changed my skill level or my expectations.

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Scary faces

So apparently a semi-popular thing to do on Youtube now is to morph your face into a monster.

I know how it’s done but the lizard part of my brain still finds these things terrifying.

I’ve seen movies that used the sudden face morph for a scare. Dead Birds and Lord of the Rings I know did this. I don’t remember if The Ring, or The Grudge, or Ju On did it, but I wouldn’t be surprised. It does seem such an effective scare, but the technology has only recently made it common in movies.

So I tried to think, what’s the earliest known incarnation of this?

Large Marge.

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Ziggy

An experiment to see if Ziggy comics made more sense if you switched the dialogue around.




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Mysterious Locked-Room Mystery


This played at the Gong Show on Wednesday.

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Horror game

I played this M&M horror game for about an hour and only got 40 out of 50. Some of them gave me trouble because I wouldn’t have classified them as horror, (A Clockwork Orange?) or because I was thinking a little too literally to get it. (Six != Sixth)

But I’m definitely going to have to come down against the panning interface they use. It seems to take the X and Y co-ordinates of your mouse on the screen and then pans the screen towards the matching co-ordinates on the picture. The more zoomed-in you are, the more of a problem this is. If you are zoomed in a lot, so you can take a look at the fellow made of a pencil in the bottom right corner, (Something you’d probably need to do since the M&M packages block your view in that corner.) then as soon as you move to click on him, it will also move the screen away from him. Similarly, every time you go to adjust the level of zoom, because the controls are at the top of the screen, the screen pans to the top of the picture.

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Sproing!

This example of photo retouching before-and-after seems almost like it’s cheating. “That’s fine, wear a baggy sweatshirt during the photoshoot, we’ll add some cleavage in post.”

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Goals of effects

To expand upon a comment from an earlier post, there are three goals when making a special effect.

1) Convey what the effect represents.
This is the most important goal. If you create a model city, it needs to look enough like a city that the audience knows that it’s a city when they see it.

2) Look cool
Try to make it something interesting to look at. It helps keep the audience entertained. (Of course, I don’t recommend having a movie where the effects are the only thing that will entertain the audience.)

3) Look realistic
This is what people mean when they say they want effects that don’t look like effects. The effect should feel like a real part of the world of the movie. This is often the most difficult goal to meet.

Achieving goal 1 is crucial. Sometimes goals 2 and 3 will be at odds, and you may need to trade one for the other. The relative importance of those two will depend upon the tone of your movie. If you’re trying to make a retro-future pulp adventure you might emphasize 2 more than 3, while if you are making a complex psychological drama you’ll stick with 3 over 2.

In my own work, I’ve usually achieved goal 1 and sometimes 2, but rarely goal 3.

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Cheap wine

For the sake of variety, something nothing to do with movies.

Started some crapshoot wine today, recipe is 10 cans of frozen grape juice, 2 cans of frozen apple juice, water to match, and red wine yeast.

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